Friday, July 2, 2010

Fug or Fab: Kelly Rowland and Ashley Greene - Go Fug Yourself .

Aside from Nikki Reed and Joe Jonas, the former two main attendees at the London Twilight premiere were Ashley Greene - which makes sense - and Kelly Rowland, which does not, particularly, except inasmuch as she`s apparently trying to get invited to everything these years as a way of reminding everyone that Destiny`s Child had THREE members, thank you very much, and Beyonce did not give them successful ALONE.

So let`s begin with her:

Perhaps she`s benefiting from the fact that her random-ass brown corset and black bra is seared on my brain, but I don`t hate this as often as I should, considering it looks like someone forgot to complete her under-armor protective garment. But perhaps that`s only because I am amused by the mind of her starring in a film about a warrior girl pretending to be a boy so she can fight with the knights - times were sexist back then, see - but who has to be capable to sneak out of her armour and into a cocktail party at a moment`s notice. Imagine the hijinks as she runs back and forth over and over, between a meeting at the Circular Table and one of Guinevere`s famous Tupperware salons.

Ashley Greene went with something a bit more basic:

Pretty! A bit crinkly, maybe; still, it`s shiny, and I wish the tiny ripple on the hem. But it doesn`t fit. I can all imagine how that went, because I`ve done it a 1000 times: You want it to be The One, and it`s the size that makes you look best about yourself, and you wish that your waist looks humble and that it shows off your giant quadricep muscle (okay, that last bit has never happened to me_), so you separate yourself, "It doesn`t squish my boobs THAT much_ really, this isn`t bad AT ALL, RIGHT?" And at this point, I think everyone around Ashley said, "Um, no, of course not," and so just hoped her boobs would funk a cup size overnight. Fortunately, Jessica would not do that to me. I think the lesson of this narrative is, Ashley needs a Jessica.

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